Stir

Linking up this week for five minute Friday. Another opportunity to flex those writing muscles and make them work! 

If you want to learn more, simply click the box to the left here. It will take you to Kate Motaung's website with all the details. 

The prompt this week is "stir" so I get to write for five minutes about this word. No editing, no thinking, just freewriting. 

Last weekend, we had a visit from my husband's aunt. This is grandma and grandpa Hart's daughter, the ones who just passed away this spring, only four days apart. 

She brought over some things that Stephen had asked for from the house. The biggest being his grandpa's chair. One of the things I found most touching was that he asked for one of grandma's metal bowls and wooden spoons. 

Looking at them, they don't seem to be anything special, but to Stephen these bring out great memories of he and his grandmother cooking with those bowls. Stirring ingredients together to create cookies and other delicious concoctions. 

It is truly a blessing to have such strong memories in such seemingly worthless items. Him being able to use them in our day to day life will keep her (and grandpa's) memory alive even longer. I love the little things that stir up the memories we have of those we have lost. The greatest part is, I know that we will meet again and hopefully up there we will be able to whip up some more cookies with grandma. Stephen will have to bring the bowl and spoon though. 

Danger

Linking up this week for five minute Friday. If you want to learn more, please click the box above and it will take you to the host website. Basically, we are freewriting for five minutes on the topic of the week. No pre planning, no editing, just free writing. 

 When I see the word "danger" I think of this scene from Ghost. In fact, when I'm watching movies and TV, I've been known to quote it. 

Looking at situations from the outside, we can easily see the red flags that scream "DANGER!" When you are in that situation, it isn't always so clear. 

You hear it all the time on dateline, some seemingly normal person just flipped (or more likely, shared their true character) causing inevitable tragedy. 

Danger doesn't come with a warning label. 

That's why we teach our children all about the dangers that are around us. Still, the danger comes when we least expect it to happen. Like in a fourth grade classroom in Texas last week. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. Nineteen children who will never get to go home. There wasn't any way to keep them from that danger, unless they weren't at school that day. Or, if we could go back in time and have sensible gun control laws... 

In no other country can you walk in and buy yourself an assault rifle. In no other country can you buy more then 1000 rounds of ammo and just walk out of the store.

We all know the danger of a gun in the hands of someone who wants to do evil. That danger is just amplified when we add in a high powered rifle and so much ammunition readily available. I just don't know how we are ever going to get away from this danger. As long as the NRA has the government in it's pocket, no change will be made. Our government has proven time and time again, the "gun rights" of the people are greater then the rights for the rest of us to feel safe, ever. 

If you have been living under a rock or you aren't reading this currently. THIS is the shooting I am referring to. 

FMF: Heal

I saw this writing prompt and knew it was one I would want to participate in. 

When you think of someone with an injury or an illness, many times you think of the healing process. How long will recovery take? What is needed to aide the healing process? 

For may people, there are illnesses in which there is no healing though. I suffer from depression. It is something I will never heal from. I will never not have depression. There are many days where I feel great and don't feel depressed. 

There are many invisible illnesses just like depression. You may not see how much someone is struggling from the outside, but that doesn't make their struggle any less. We may not be able to heal other people, but by being sympathetic to their illness, we can help them feel seen. When you acknowledge that someone else is struggling, it helps them have a voice. This blog has some great ideas on how to help someone with an invisible illness. Don't just tell them "if you need something, let me know." Because they won't. Its hard to know what you need let alone ask for it. 

People with invisible illness struggle, sometimes every day. Just remember, just because you can't see that they need healing, doesn't mean they don't. 

Healing isn't always a cure, sometimes it is just being seen. 

Writer's Workshop

 Linking up again this week for writer's workshop. If you want to know more, click the box at the bottom of this post. 

The first prompt I chose this week (because I already had a post drafted for this exact topic!): Did you pick a Word Of The Year for 2022? Share!

I did pick a word for 2022 and that word is: 

Pause

Definition (thanks to google): a temporary stop in action or speech. 

In this case I want to focus on the action of "practicing the pause." What is "practicing the pause"?

 Well, another quick google search gave me this acronym to remember: 

S- Stop. Remember to pause.
T- Take a few breaths. This gives us time to notice the stimulus. 

O- Observe your present state without judging it.

    What are you feeling or thinking in this moment?

P- Proceed with awareness.

I also stumbled across a website with this awesome infographic (better then anything I could make!) 

Source 

and a website with some great ways to practice this technique: 19 Effective Ways to Practice the Pause. 

Second prompt I picked today (because I can!): Write about what you think your goals were 10 years ago. What has changed since then? Do you have the same goals?

Funny enough, I did post goals on this blog ten years ago. HERE are my goals from 2011. I am listing them as well, so I can tell you how I did and how they might differ from this years' goal. 

✅Complete the "Made to Crave" book study. I completed that one! Planning to do a re-read of this book because it was so amazing. 

🆇 Implement a family game/activity/movie night to do once a week. Yeah, not sure if this happened or not, but it sure isn't happening now. We do play games on occasion, but they are all teenagers now (or close enough). Things are harder when you can't just excite them into playing. 

🆇 Continue my workouts at Curves at least 3x per week. I have no idea how long this lasted, but I quit there for sure... 

✅Complete the 5 mile "Dirty Dash" in August. DONE! It was actually a 6 mile obstacle and mud run. Not the most fun for me, but an experience for sure. 

 

So, half of them were completed. I'm not sure if that is successful or not. My goals haven't change too much since then. I have mostly ones that will pull me through the year vs event type. I will share my 2022 goals later this week. 

 

This post inspired by: 

FMF: Hide

Joining in again this week for five minute Friday. You can find more information here if you are interested. All you do is write for five minutes on the given prompt. No editing, no planning, just free writing for five minutes. 

This week's prompt word is "hide." 

I've always been a person who doesn't like "scary" things. As a teenager, horror movies would give me such a fright that I would sleep in the living room, with the tv and lights on for weeks after watching one. Self proclaimed wuss, I like to say. I liked the lights on so I could see everything, there was no chance of something hiding in the darkness, waiting to jump out and scare me. Not liking scary movies is something that followed me into adulthood.

How I went from being that scared teenager to a true crime loving mom is beyond me. Now I can't get enough true crime. I listen to all the podcasts, watch crime drama tv shows. I'm not sure why it is so interesting to me. 

The only thing I can think is that I want to know about everything that is going on around so I can be ready. Shows and podcasts are like a light into what is going on the in the world around me. I know that there is always a chance of being a victim, but I know what is out there. There are steps I can take to be prepared, be safe. 

One thing that I know is that I have God on my side. While he may not protect me physically, he protects my heart. I also know that if something horrible were to happen, I know where I'm going and that gives me such peace. A verse comes to mind, "I Have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11 It is one of the verses I have memorized (though I had to look up the "address") 

Another verse I had to look up, Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." This means we can't be "closet Christians." We need to let that light shine out for EVERYONE to see. There are more and more verses that are coming to my mind about being the light in the world, but bringing it back to the prompt, hide, we aren't to hide our faith. We aren't to put that light "under a bowl" but we are to put it in the window and let it shine for all to see. 

FMF: Still

Linking up again this week for five minute Friday. As always, you can click the link here to learn more. 

The prompt this week is still, which I love because it has been an important word for me for a long time. I even have it tattooed on my foot! 

I have it there for a few reasons. One is this verse: Psalm 46:10: He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." This just reminds me that I can be still, be calm in knowing that God is above all and that brings me to the second: Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. This is the one I repeat to myself when I am in the midst of struggle. When I want to pull the situation back, out of where I thoughtfully placed it in God's hands, He reminds me, "Be still child, I am fighting this for you. I will fix it if you only trust me." That is just an amazing thought to me. God cares enough about me to take care of me, fight my battles for me, cry with me if I need it. 

But being still in his presence is important. I need to let go of all the stuff that I hold on to, turn off the noise both in my house and in my head and just sit in quiet with him sometimes. In some cases this looks like me locking myself in my bedroom while the rest of the house is in chaos or taking a drive (when I know everyone at home is safe of course) 

There are eight other verses that I think are great that relate to being still: 

Ecclesiastes 3:7 A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak

James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!

Psalm 62:5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.

Job 6:24 Teach me, and I will be silent; make me understand how I have gone astray.

Psalm 131:2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.

Isaiah 32:17 And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you.

FMF: Complete

 When I think of the word complete, I can't help but think back to when I was pregnant with Alivia. We just found out we were having girl number three. It wasn't long before people started asking "Are you going to try again for a boy?" I can't remember now what I would reply, but looking back, I would like to think I said something about our family being perfectly complete with our three girls. 

Even today I see posts when someone has one of each gender and people comment on how they have completed their family, as if mine is somehow less complete because I have no sons. It is something that still makes me upset. My family is perfect and complete just the way we are. 

Jesus came to earth to complete his work so that we could join him in heaven. On the cross he told us that - it is finished. His job here on earth was done. He died so that we wouldn't have to go through all the old testament rules to be with him. All we have to do is ask him to come into our lives, to complete us. His work in our lives makes us complete. All those flaws that we see in ourselves (the divorce, the depression, the constant need for approval, constant anxiety) and he fills those, takes what we were and makes us even more. I think of the ancient Chinese art form of Kintsugi. They literally fill in the cracks with gold. It makes for incredible art pieces. I like to think of myself as a piece of Kintsugi pottery. Before I was pretty much just a broken person, a broken vessel, but Jesus came along and filled in those cracks, didn't make them disappear, but made them into something beautiful. The cracks in my life now tell a story of God's work in me. 

FMF: Need

 Linking up again this week for five minute Friday. If you are new to the blog or you just want more info, check out the details here. The leader of our "group" says it best: Write for five minutes on the word of the week. This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation. Just write.

So, the word this week: need. 

I feel like I am constantly reminding my girls, "you don't need that you want that. There is a difference. My Nattie-bug is really good at trying to persuade me that she, in fact, does need whatever she is bargaining for. This child is relentless in her arguments to get what she thinks she needs. Then again, she is a 14 year old girl, so of course she does. Sorry hunny, makeup isn't a need. We can wait to get that and get the groceries instead. Food we need, the other stuff is just the wants. There are lots of things that I want that I'm not going to get because I don't need it right now. 

Philipians 4:13 says: And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Read that again my friend, God will meet all your needs. That doesn't mean that God will give us anything we ask for. Those are usually wants. Like I do with my girls, Jesus teaches us what we need and he will supply that for us. 

You know what else God does? He fights for us. The catch is that we need to do something first. Do you know what that is? Be still. (scripture for this one is found in Exodus 14:14: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” I actually have "Be Still" tattooed on my foot so anytime I can look down and remember, he is fighting for me, all I need to do is be still. 

It is really hard to trust that God has things under control. That he's fighting those battles for me, that he will provide my needs for me. As a self-proclaimed control-freak, having a hole in my budget, where my money doesn't meet the bills. Somehow, God provides what we need to make it though. 

So, are you asking God to provide for your needs? Are you fighting a battle and need someone to help you out? The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. 

FMF: Care

 Linking up again for five minute Friday. You can learn more by visiting Kate's blog. 

This week the prompt is "care"

What a timely prompt word this is. As I mentioned last week, all of Idaho has moved to crisis standards of care. While that hasn't changed the care we provide right now, it might down the road if the covid hospital admissions don't stop their upward trend. 

I work for a healthcare system who is one of the biggest in our area. I love that my employer is keeping people informed. We have a website (updated daily) where they track testing, hospital admissions (including the percentage of those vaccinated) as well as ICU numbers (also with the percentages of non-vaccinated) and the number of vaccines given. It is super easy to read and I check it frequently. You can see it here. 

One thing that is really heavy in my mind lately is the healthcare workers. We are seeing some pretty crazy stuff. Add that to the divided support and it is even harder. Our hospital posted this the other day: 

Then a former coworker and friend of mine, working in an internal medicine clinic posted this: 

And then another coworker commented. 

If you are dealing with anyone in healthcare, on the phone, an office visit, anything, please be kind. They are battling this virus head on and it isn't easy. Even from my sidelines position it is hard. There are lots of tears. 

Sometimes I get mad. I want to not care for those who didn't choose to get a vaccine, but I know we can't do that. People have the right to chose. I just hope that they are getting through the mess of information that is out there and finding the truth. 

For now, we will keep on keeping on, just like we have been the past year and a half. 

If you are reading this and haven't gotten the vaccine, please consider it. We are averaging a 98+% of our covid patients in the ICU are non-vaccinated patients. The vaccine may not be perfect, but it is effective. Please, find a trusted doctor and ask them about it. I really don't want to read a friend or family member's name as someone who died from this virus. 

Miss

Linking up with Mama Kat again this week for writer's workshop. Helps me flex those writing muscles. This week I chose the prompt: 

Write a blog post inspired by the word: miss.

You don't realize the moments that you are going to miss until they are already gone.

When was the last time I helped with little girl hair? Then suddenly they don't need my help anymore.

 

When was the last time I snuggled with a kid who wasn't feeling well? One day I realize they aren't snuggling anymore. 

When was the last time I got to dress them all in cute matching outfits and take their pictures without complaint? I sure can't do it anymore! I miss that! 

Cherish each and every single moment with your kiddos. Make it a point to write about them, to take pictures (even if they don't like it), make memories together. 

Someday when they are older, they will want to hear about the little things, its nice that I have this blog to show them how the day to day things went. 

I may be missing the times when they were younger, but I will always have the memories and for now I still have bedtime kisses and hugs. 

 This post inspired by: 

FMF: Purpose

Linking up again this week, just a little late for five minute Friday. If it is your first time reading, five minute Friday is, in the words of the creator, no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation. Just write. 

The prompt word this week is purpose and I can't help but think of the verse Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” 

This was one of the verses I would say to myself a lot when I was in high school. I don't know if yours was the same, but at mine there was a lot of pressure for students to decide their plan for the future. There is no way I was the only one who had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Even at church, you would get a lot of "pray for God's calling in our life, he will tell you what you are supposed to do. 

Again, I know I wasn't the only one thinking, I'm not hearing anything. 

Why do we put such pressure on children. Why can't we teach them that life can be flexible. Maybe I don't want to be doing the same thing in 20 years. There are opportunities for growth in many jobs. I didn't go to college until I was a mother to two kids (and pregnant with my third!) 

There is no shame in not knowing what you want to do with the rest of your life, because no matter what, God knows the plans he has for you. In the end, we know we are promised a hope and a future in Christ. 

FMF: Rescue

Linking up this week for five minute Friday. If you want to learn all the details, click here. Basic idea is that you free-write for five minutes about the given prompt. The creator of 5MF says it perfectly: "no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation. Just write."

The prompt word this week: Rescue. 

The bible has countless verses about God rescuing us. Here are just two that jumped out at me (I did a quick google search) 

Daniel 6:27 esv: He delivers and rescues; he works signs and wonders in heaven and on earth, he who has saved Daniel from the power of the lions." 

Isaiah 41:10 esv: Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

God has promised us rescue. We might feel like we are sinking in so deep that he won't ever reach us in time, but the truth is: he's already here, walking through the water with us right now. All we need to do is reach out and LET him help us. This doesn't mean that once God is in our lives that it will be a cakewalk, that there won't be struggles, because he tells us that in this life there will be trials. 

I can remember many times in my life where it felt like I was going to drown, my difficulties seemed relentless. Looking back, I can see how God was there and taking care of me. How he was keeping my head above the water, how he was showing me his grace, his love, his amazingness even in the midst of these. 

One time I can remember is the entire year of 2014 - my marriage ended, my mom died, her mom died. It was just a terrible time. But I know, without God, with out the hope of reuniting with my mom in Heaven, this could have been much worse. 

One song that has been following me around lately is Ryan Stevenson's When we Fall Apart - just a reminder that when we feel like our lives are falling apart, we have a God who holds it together. I've included the lyrics underneath (from a google search, I don't know every word!) But I hope this touches your heart the way it did mine. 

You were forty-three when you got the news
Life will be changing, nothing we can do
The clock is ticking now
All I can think about
Is knowing I have to move on without you somehow
And I just can't believe
That you're the one whose keeping it together
As you hold my hand and say

It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

You ask me to sing
Some songs that I wrote
But I can barely speak
Can barely play a note
All my tears rush in
Falling on my strings
That make the sound of these progressions have a different ring
And I hate to say goodbye
Knowing this will be the last time we're together
As you close your eyes and say

It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

Whoa

And you've got the gift of mercy
Don't ever think it's strange
Not a curse, but it is a blessing to feel other people's pain
And always love without condition
And trust with all your heart
There's healing in the story of your scars

Well, it's been awhile
Since you've been gone
And sometimes I still catch myself trying to call your phone
All the hopes and dreams we used to talk about
They're still alive in me and I just hope I make you proud
Now I'm your legacy
And it's your love still holding me together
And I still hear you say

It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart
Yeah, yeah, it's okay to fall apart
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

FMF: City

  Linking up this week for five minute Friday. The prompt immediately got my memories going, so I had to jump onboard. If you want to learn all the details, click here. Basic idea is that you free-write for five minutes about the given prompt. The creator of 5MF says it perfectly: "no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation. Just write."

So, here we go, the prompt this week is city and go: 

In 2011, I made the biggest move of my remembered life. I would say life, but I did move from Jacksonville, Florida to Oregon when I was 3, but I don't remember that! Anyway, we packed up our family (I was married to the girls' dad at the time) and we headed to his hometown of Boise, Idaho. 

When you think about the fact that I spent most of my life in small town Oregon, population 17,000, it was huge change for me. Boise has approximately  226,100 people in it as of the 2019 census. If you include the smaller surrounding towns, it brings that number up to 749,200. Not a small town by any measure of the number. 

When we first moved I was terrified of the size of the town. My new job ended up being about a 20 minute drive from the place we were staying. On the freeway. The freeway that at one point was 4 lanes each direction! I know it doesn't sound like much to some, but for the small town transplant, it was HUGE. I had my gps plugged in and going. I was NOT going to get lost. 

The way to work my first day went well. I gave myself so much extra time so I was very early for my shift. On the way home though, that was a different story. My GPS decided that the freeway wasn't the best route for me and took me through town. Ended up taking me over 45 minutes to get home. Needless to say, I learned the way from the office to the freeway quickly so I wouldn't get taken that direction again. 

Ten years later, I still don't love to drive during "rush hour" but I will. Like when we go to visit the bird, it is just past my old office, so I take that same route there. I can't help but chuckle when I think about those first days as a commuter. When I transferred positions, my commute is now 5 minutes (the longest part being if I am stopped at a light or finding parking). Since COVID, I've been at home so commute is the bedroom to the living room. 

So, that's what comes to my mind when I think of city: that transition that I had moving from my small town to the "big city" of Boise. 

FMF: Accountability

 I've decided to rejoin with the five minute Fridays again. Each week, they give you a prompt word and you simply write about that word for five minutes. Five minutes free-writing. No editing, no plan, just writing. 

This week's prompt word is accountability. Funny that's what the word is, since at the beginning of this month I started some new goals. Those goals have all been progressing pretty well. Here are my goals and how I've done:

Goal 1: Meditation. Meditate daily. I meditated 8 of the 12 days so far this month which I think is pretty good. I am working on making it daily, but it isn't something I've remembered as well. 

Goal 2: Water. Increase water intake. I didn't put an actual number of ounces of my goal, but just to increase. Since August 1, I have hit at least 64 ounces of liquid every day. For me, liquid includes coffee, soda, tea, energy drinks, water ect. Any liquid that goes in, gets recorded in my intake app. I got a new water bottle on the fifth and since then have had at least 64 ounces of WATER daily. It's helping for sure. 

Those were my two new goals from the first. Since then, I had my wellness visit. During that appointment, my doctor and I discussed my lifestyle (not surprising). She recommended I start with just 10 minutes walking per day. Then slowly add two more walks so that I am walking 30 minutes daily. Knowing that I don't have to just walk for 30 minutes is nice. I also need to make sure my new habits are attainable, something I will keep with. So, for my morning walk, I have been going during my first work break, around 9 am. 

I must admit it has been ROUGH for me the past 18 months since being home working. I literally don't leave the house. This goal helps me get out. I think if I make it two weeks of walking, I am going to treat myself to something. Not sure what yet, but I will! (comment with some of your incentive ideas). 

My other daily goals and how I did: 

Read 20 minutes daily - 100% 

weigh in once weekly - 100% (though I only had to do this once, so...) 

Bible study daily - 100% 

Take medications daily - 100% 

I think I'm doing pretty good this month so far. To keep me accountable, I have apps on my phone to track things, friends checking in with me and a checklist I do daily. 

To keep my goals, I need to be accountable to myself. 

My husband has been helping me out by asking about my goals regularly. This helps because I know he's going to ask, I better have something to tell him. Having that accountability is so important because it gives me another person who is holding me to my goals. 

This is something in life we need to have. People around us who will hold us accountable for our actions (or non-actions). Someone who will call you out and say "hey, you screwed up, fix this" but in a nice way. We all need accountability. Is there someone in your life that holds you accountable or is there someone in your life that you can help be accountable. I would suggest that you talk to someone about accountability and see what they think. 

 

FMF: Lift

Jumping in again with the Five Minute Friday crew and doing some freewriting. If you want more information you can check out the website here with all the details. 

Full disclosure, I looked up these verses before beginning. All I could remember of the verses were the first line. 

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. 

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand: the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121 NIV (source)

I can't help but think of the bible when I think of the word "lift." God has promised us on so many times that he will lift us up if we only seek him. 

Imagining God lifting me up, I look back on the time I got to go parasailing. Imagine you are strapped in securely to a harness, attached to a rope and parachute. Then as the boat moves, slowly speeding up, the parachute fills and lifts you gently off the back of the boat. You are then slowly lifted by the forward trajectory of the boat. All you can hear is the wind in your ears. The view is so amazing. If you ever have the chance to do it, TAKE THE CHANCE!

When I was up there, I can almost imagine how God would lift us up. He gives us hope in his word. We can be LIFTED from our earthly troubles if only we look to him. It doesn't make things suddenly better, but it does help us to gain perspective. Like I did from the sky. Things are clear when it is quite and you are forced to be alone with your own thoughts.  

FMF: She

 I am joining in again for five minute Friday. Really wanting to get back into writing, just for fun. I think this will kick it off right. If you want to learn more, check out fiveminutefriday.com. The goal of five minute Friday is to write for five minutes, un-edited, freewriting about the given prompt word. Then you can link up (or not) and read other people's thoughts. 

So, on to the writing, the word this week SHE. And GO 

I am in the midst of raising three beautiful girls. In the history of this blog you can see both their growth (from before my third daughter was born) until now, when they are 12, 13, and 15. 

Raising them is such a responsibility. All the things I need to teach them before they are out of the nest on their own. It can be quite overwhelming. Plus, how do I know if I am doing it right? I  hear that they are good people at school and while "out" in the world, so I guess that will have to be my reassurance that I'm doing something right.... 

Then I think about my own mom. What would I have done differently in my relationship with her if I knew she would be gone at age 54. How can I instill a relationship with my girls that will last? I know that with my mom, we talked every weekday on my commute home from work. Recalling those early days after her loss, I longed to be able to pick up the phone and talk to her again, just one more time. My mom was not perfect, but she was the perfect person to be my mom. She loved us unconditionally and made sure that we knew she was a safe person. Even if something we were doing wasn't good, if we felt like we were in trouble, we could always call and she would be there to get us. Our home always had an open door so my friends were in and out all the time. I want to be that for my girls. 

She (they all three) will grow up knowing three things for sure: 

1. I love them more then anything in the world. 
2. I will support them unconditionally, no matter what. 
3. They will always be safe with me. 

END 

FMF: Confident

Joining in for Five Minute Friday a little bit late. Things got a bit crazy this last week. I got a transfer that I put in for and moved over to a new office, official today. My job is basically the same (with a few differences) but I am in a new environment and surrounded by new people. A change from the last 7.5 years that I have spent in the same office. Anyway. My old coworkers threw me an amazing pot-luck and sent me off with amazing memories. Plus, I have an Idaho family there that I will hold on to forever.

The word for this week is confident. Confidence is something I have struggled with most of my life. I've always been the heavier girl. My height isn't enough for my weight. In school I was never one of the popular girls but I was okay with that. What I lacked in confidence I made up for in my voice. My voice is loud and I try and stay cheerful. I try and keep myself optimistic no matter what. Even if my brain is screaming "they are talking about me" I won't let it show on the outside." My brain might be telling me someone is talking about me, when there is no basis in reality. When my confidence is lacking, I can call out to God and ask him to help me out. He is someone who I can put my confidence in no matter what.

God also is confident in me. He equips me and puts me in situations where he knows I am able to accomplish the tasks he plans for me. When God gives me a task, I know that he has equipped me for that task and I know he is going to see me through it. I'm not going to be left hanging on my own. I'm not going to be asked to do something that is beyond my ability.

My confidence in God is based on my faith and trust in him. He has shown me over and over again, in my life and in His word that He is.

Swan

I can honestly think of nothing to write about that doesn't sound ridiculous. I have started and deleted four times now. So I'm just going to leave this post with the picture I found on google and added the prompt to.

Sometimes there aren't words better then the beauty of the creation. 

The swan is a creature of beauty. God added a few things that made it a creature of elegance, just a little bit different then a goose, but it is so much more beautiful and elegant. 

You look at them side by side and can't help but compare. They are all in the same pond. 

The goose has this odd looking bill with the funny looking nostrils. 

The swan the elegant beak with the blackened eyes and "lip liner" making it's features stand out. 

Then the goose has stouter features, its neck and body fatter. 

The swan a longer thinner neck and even his body longer. 

Some would call the swan a more beautiful bird, but I bet God had reasons for making the goose the way he did. 

There is a reason for everything he he does. 

The purpose for his creation isn't known to us now, but when we get to heaven we can ask him why he made the goose to be such an odd looking creature and the swan so elegant and beautiful. 

Maybe when I get to heaven I can understand why I'm afraid of both of them equally. 

Accept

So, it's the fifth and I've already dropped the ball. I should try and accept it, but I'm still going to try and go back and write the posts I missed and get them done.

Accept is one of the words in that serenity prayer. Accept the things you can't change. It is so hard for me. There are so many things in my life that are beyond my control. I have two tween girls and a teenager who are beyond my control. They all have hormones that are going crazy. There are tears and there is yelling. There is stomping and there is drama. I want to say that I have it under control, but lets be real, most of the time it's just barely brushing world war three in my house.

Then you have my husband who suffers with multiple mental health issues. There are days that are wonderful and then there are days that just aren't. We both have to accept that things have changed in both our lives.

Accepting the things we can't change and being willing to change the things that we can. There are things in my life that I can change, but maybe I don't want to. Maybe I want to cling to the familiar, just because it is what I am used to.

However, God may want me to make a change because he knows what is best for me. My willingness to accept his plan for my life is going to make things better in the long run. He knows what is best for me, even if I don't want to accept it.

Even if I fight every step of the way (and sometimes I do!) He accepts me as I am, but he is a gentleman and will never force my hand. Jesus waits patiently for me to make a choice. Even if he knows it is the wrong one. He will wait still for me to realize it and make the right choice.

FMF: Where

Joining in with Kate and the Five Minute Friday crew again. This week the word is where.

Where are you going is a frequent question I ask in my home. Being the mom of three girls, ages 9 to 13 means that they are really starting to test their independence now.

My oldest has a new thing she does when she's mad, she wants to go outside. That is all well and good until it is nine at night and it is dark outside. She starts to walk outside and my anxious mom brain goes on overload, I shout "Where are you going." She shouts back "I just need some fresh air."

I have to giver her what she needs right? I know that she knows the rules. The boundaries that I've given her are there. What I need to do is trust that when it comes down to it, she's going to listen and stay where I want her to be. Usually she will come back in after a few minutes, giving in to the cold weather. Sometimes though, her stubbornness wins out and I seek her out, opening the door and calling out "where are you McKayla" into the darkness. It is our need as humans to want to know where our people are.

Even from far away, I want to know where my dad is, that he is safe and being taken care of. I check on him often and make sure that he is well. That may also be part of my anxiety working its way into my life.

I think the more important question I should be asking is where are we going? Where is our ultimate destination? My concern should be with how my children are growing up and learning, how their relationship is with God and how they can grow to be closer to Him so that they can eventually be where He is.

 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:21

I need to teach my girls that where they put their treasure, not the stuff we try and save here on earth, but the real treasure, is where our heart will be.