This is part three in my October "31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes." I have been doing them daily but only posting weekly because of all my other "regularly scheduled" blogs. More information can be found below by clicking the picture. So here is part three.
October 18
When I see the word taste I think about all the new things that my kids are refusing to taste. They don't care that they eat hamburger when we eat burgers at a restaurant, they don't want hamburger helper. The connection that the two ingredients are the same isn't there. It is so frustrating as a mother to hear those four words "I don't like that." I swear it causes involuntary shaking on my part not to just yell back at them. What they had eaten the week before, they no longer want. Natalie's newest thing is that she doesn't like bread. But she only doesn't like bread when it's the french style (think those giant sandwiches you can get at the grocery store). What the heck kid!? Don't you realize that your mommy is at her wits end trying to figure out what to feed you already and then you don't like bread?! Can you just taste it and see that it is just as good as the regular sliced bread? How can I teach my kiddos to branch out and try new things? I am getting tired of mac and cheese and top ramen noodles. I would love to be able to make stuff in the crock pot, but every time, at least one of them says they don't like it. I even had them help me pick it out at the grocery store, thinking that would help. Didn't work. I made an entire pot of beef stew that no one but mommy ate. I have even resorted to telling them that if they don't eat what I make, they don't eat and they choose don't eat! They go without dinner frequently when I make something because they don't like it. "It tastes bad." UGH! Anyone have any tips for me?!
October 19
Honor seems like such a strong word. You are told in the bible that we are to honor our mother and father. But I wonder, how are we supposed to honor them? Part of that answer is obvious, but listening to them and following what they tell us to do. How are we supposed to honor those parents who weren't good to us. I have a friend who was abused as a child. How can he/she be expected to honor the abuser. I am having a really hard time with this one. I have no problem honoring my parents. Both my mom and dad were excellent parents and I was so blessed in my childhood having both of them, but what if they weren't? Its so confusing. There are so many circumstances where I can't even imagine trying to honor that parent. The bible also tells us to honor our spouse. This is another one where I have no problems honoring my (future) spouse. He deserves that and gives it back to me. But what about the husbands who aren't honorable. The cheaters, the liars, the ones who abandon their families. It's so difficult for me to hold to the letter of these "laws" we have been given to follow. I don't want to be the one who isn't following God's law, but I also don't see how I could possibly honor someone who didn't deserve it. I have a hard enough time honoring my grandmother. She is a very difficult person to be around and talk to, but I am called to honor her. I need to make it a point to call her and keep in touch. To honor the fact that she birthed and raised my mom, maybe just gloss over the parts about her I don't like?
October 20
When I was younger, I used to think I was a scardey cat. To this day, I still can't watch scary movies because they leave me too scared. My fears seem irrational, even to me looking at myself, but they are what they are. I am afraid of spiders, snakes, heights (this is a new one), someone breaking in, something happening to one of my kids, my car plunging into a body of water, my car going off a cliff, a car accident of any kind, crowded places, the list really goes on and on. The longer I think about it, the longer the list grows. I live daily thinking a lot about the "what if's" they are the root cause of most of my fears. Asking myself too many questions about what would happen if.... Hate that! I really hate that sometimes my fear paralyses me, leaves me feeling like I can't do anything about it. There is one time I vividly remember my fear holding me back. Jimmy and I were on our fifth anniversary trip, we went to the Oregon coast. While there we had the opportunity to go to the top of a lighthouse. I think I might have gotten halfway up before my breathing got shallow and faster. I can still feel how the panic made my body react. It was difficult to even get myself down the winding staircase into the fresh air. But I did, made it out and never tried to go back up. My fear got in the way of experiencing something I think I would have loved. I am trying so hard to get over some of my fears, branch out and get into the world, but it's a hard change to make. My fears may never been all gone, but I pray that someday I am able to do things that one day felt impossible, like climbing those stairs to the top of the light house. The trip may have been scary, but the view would have most definitely been worth it.
October 21
Make every second count. We live our lives not knowing what is going to happen next. That is why it is so important to live every moment like it might be our last. Kiss your kids before they leave, every time, even if they hate it! Say "I love you" often and make sure people know it! No situation showed me that more clearly then the loss of my mother. It was sudden and unexpected. She had just called me two days before and got to talk to all three of the girls. It was like, on some level, she knew. We were all so completely shocked when we got the call that she had collapsed. Then to see her on life support was heartbreaking. She wasn't the mom that I remembered. I hate that my last memories of her are those of her in the hospital bed. But then I remember how very blessed I am to have had her for thirty years. I have all those memories. Every single second matters. Life is short, sometimes shorter then we ever imagined. My mom should have had years ahead of her. She was only 54 when a "cardiac event" took her from us. Only weeks before her death, she had been given a clean bill of health. It's hard to comprehend. There was nothing she could have done to prevent her death. It was unexpected and extremely hard for us. Now I am really, really trying to take every moment and live it fully. I want to make memories here on earth. I want to be able to die knowing that the people I have have no questions about how I felt. Never will there be a doubt that I was happy with my life.
October 22
I look at this word and I think of all the exceptions that we have for each other. All the expectations that we have for ourselves. It's really hard to measure up when we all are expected to be "perfect moms." In fact, it's impossible because there is no perfection in motherhood. Every single part of it, from the time you are expecting that child, carrying it inside you, you are learning. It is so hard sometimes that I just want to cry. Just when I think I have moved past the hard part, another new stage pops up that is equally hard. I should just expect that it isn't going to get easier. Motherhood is hard. It is totally worth it, but there are some days I want to just cry, in fact, there are some days I do cry. The kids don't act the way that they know they should be. Not sure why I expect them to act older then they are, but it's my standard. They are children and need to be treated as such. They need to have accountability for their actions, but it needs to fit the age and responsibility of the child. Exceptions are just something else that we have in our lives that make more stress. I find it hard to live up to expectations, even those I put on myself. I need to learn to let go of those and just (as I said in my previous post) live my life in the moment. Have realistic expectations for myself and my children.
October 23
I think that it's time to take a look at our culture at the way we are letting this country be. We have all become a bunch of people who expect to just have things given to them. I had a "friend" on facebook who was mad because he had been denied unemployment. The problem is, to get unemployment, you have to work and put money in to that fund. There are jobs out, it's just that the people looking don't want to take them. I will admit, there are exceptions to this, but there are a lot of people who are too picky about the work they will do. Entitlement is something that needs to be stopped. People feel entitled to all the help they can get. Doesn't matter if it comes from the federal government or from a local charity. People need to realize that in order to get things, you have to work for them. You can't just expect that someone is going to provide for your every need. You need to get out there and change your situation. I know that right now I am receiving state assistance. I hate that. I hate knowing that the state has to help me keep food on the table and pay my girls medical bills. Hate it! But you know what, I am working at changing that. I found an opportunity that I really think can help my situation. Look at the way you are raising your children. Are you teaching them that because they are there, they are entitled to some prize? It's like when every kid gets a trophy. The value of that is gone. We need to teach the children of this world not to take things for granted. Not to expect that they will get everything they want. I pray that God helps me teach my children that they aren't entitled to anything but need to take everything they are given as a blessing.
October 24 - Five Minute Friday
The song keeps running through my head "I date you to run." Just makes me think of all the things we could be doing if we would dare to believe. Dare to be a Daniel. He stood up when he knew they were doing something wrong. He still prayed and did his thing with God because he knew that as long as he was doing what God wanted of him, he would be safe. And Daniel was safe. They tried to kill him by throwing him in the lions den but God protected him. God shows us over and over in his word examples of people who "dared" and got out there for him. I pray every day that God will give me the strength to stand on the principals he has for me. That he will help me to be a Daniel. I hear that song and I want to run, I want to be the person God wants me to be. "I dare you to pick yourself up off the floor." I don't want to be laying on the ground, broken. I want to be alive for Him. I want him to help me pick myself up and get back on the right track. He has given me every tool I need to live a life for Him, to be daring. To stand up for what's right and to stand up against what isn't. I need to take those tools and use them. Take those tools and share them with my kids, with my friends. We all need to dare to stand up and say when something isn't right. If more people did that, we wouldn't be living in the mess we are. Dare to be a Daniel in your life. Dare to stand up for something you believe in, even if something bad "might happen." Just take the dare and live.
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