FMF: Rescue

Linking up this week for five minute Friday. If you want to learn all the details, click here. Basic idea is that you free-write for five minutes about the given prompt. The creator of 5MF says it perfectly: "no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation. Just write."

The prompt word this week: Rescue. 

The bible has countless verses about God rescuing us. Here are just two that jumped out at me (I did a quick google search) 

Daniel 6:27 esv: He delivers and rescues; he works signs and wonders in heaven and on earth, he who has saved Daniel from the power of the lions." 

Isaiah 41:10 esv: Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

God has promised us rescue. We might feel like we are sinking in so deep that he won't ever reach us in time, but the truth is: he's already here, walking through the water with us right now. All we need to do is reach out and LET him help us. This doesn't mean that once God is in our lives that it will be a cakewalk, that there won't be struggles, because he tells us that in this life there will be trials. 

I can remember many times in my life where it felt like I was going to drown, my difficulties seemed relentless. Looking back, I can see how God was there and taking care of me. How he was keeping my head above the water, how he was showing me his grace, his love, his amazingness even in the midst of these. 

One time I can remember is the entire year of 2014 - my marriage ended, my mom died, her mom died. It was just a terrible time. But I know, without God, with out the hope of reuniting with my mom in Heaven, this could have been much worse. 

One song that has been following me around lately is Ryan Stevenson's When we Fall Apart - just a reminder that when we feel like our lives are falling apart, we have a God who holds it together. I've included the lyrics underneath (from a google search, I don't know every word!) But I hope this touches your heart the way it did mine. 

You were forty-three when you got the news
Life will be changing, nothing we can do
The clock is ticking now
All I can think about
Is knowing I have to move on without you somehow
And I just can't believe
That you're the one whose keeping it together
As you hold my hand and say

It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

You ask me to sing
Some songs that I wrote
But I can barely speak
Can barely play a note
All my tears rush in
Falling on my strings
That make the sound of these progressions have a different ring
And I hate to say goodbye
Knowing this will be the last time we're together
As you close your eyes and say

It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

Whoa

And you've got the gift of mercy
Don't ever think it's strange
Not a curse, but it is a blessing to feel other people's pain
And always love without condition
And trust with all your heart
There's healing in the story of your scars

Well, it's been awhile
Since you've been gone
And sometimes I still catch myself trying to call your phone
All the hopes and dreams we used to talk about
They're still alive in me and I just hope I make you proud
Now I'm your legacy
And it's your love still holding me together
And I still hear you say

It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart
Yeah, yeah, it's okay to fall apart
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

Don't You Ever Grow Up...

My sweet Nattie-bug turned 14 yesterday. I am still processing. Can't believe my kids are all growing so fast. This song makes me think of how quickly my kids are growing!

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreamin'
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's droppin' you off
At fourteen, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's gettin' older too
And don't lose the way that you dance
Around in your PJs getting ready for school

Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple
And no one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up
Oh, oh
Don't you ever grow up
Oh (never grow up)
Just never grow up

Music Heals

Sometimes a song just touches your heart.

JJ Heller has a way with words and many of her songs have hit my heart strings and touched me in a way no other songs have... this is one of them.

For those who have dealt with loss, may this be a salve to your hurting soul.

We only part to meet again.
By JJ Heller, Dave Heller, and Leslie Jordan

My daughter has a best friend

Who’s about to move away

And it kills me as a mother

To see her feel this kind of pain

This is her first great loss

It won’t be her last

I cannot make it stop

And so I say

I know you wish there was a way to slow the hands of time

But when you truly love someone

You never say goodbye

‘Cause they’re woven in the fabric of the person you’ve become

It is impossible

Impossible to lose

The ones you love

My grandpa’s name is Henry

And Audrey was his wife

After 50 years together

She was still the love of his whole life

Before her final breath

She reached and took his hand

He bowed to kiss her head

And heard her say

I know you wish there was a way to slow the hands of time

But when you truly love someone

You never say goodbye

‘Cause they’re woven in the fabric of the person you’ve become

It is impossible

Impossible to lose

The ones you love

I know the winds of change will blow again

I feel it in my heart

I know it in my head

And though I can’t avoid the road that lies ahead

I choose these words instead

Even though there’s not a way to slow the hands of time

When you truly love someone

You never say goodbye

‘Cause they’re woven in the fabric of the person you’ve become

It is impossible

Impossible to lose

It is impossible

Impossible to lose

The ones you love

A Letter to the Younger Me

First I am going to write a little intro to my project this month. As I have in years past, I am joining in with the write31 crew in writing every day this month. I got a list of prompts and I am going to run with them. It seems to be a bit of a flash back/reflective theme so I am going to go with it.

Write a letter to your younger self.  

Honestly, I don't think I can write a better letter then the one that MercyMe sings.

The lyrics:

Dear younger me
Where do I start
If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far
Then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head
I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me,

Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me, dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now
Condemnation would’ve had no power
My joy my pain would’ve never been my worth
If I knew then what I know now
Would’ve not been hard to figure out
What I would’ve changed if I had heard

Dear younger me
It’s not your fault
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross
Dear younger me

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

Every mountain every valley
Thru each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be
Dear younger me, dear younger me

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed (repeat x3)

Songwriters: Barry Graul / Bart Millard / Ben Glover / David Arthur Garcia / Mike Scheuchzer / Nathan Cochran / Robby Shaffer

Dear Younger Me lyrics © Essential Music Publishing, Capitol Christian Music Group

There are times I wonder what I might change if I could go back but then again, would I be the person I am today if I went back and did something differently? It's an interesting question. One thing I would tell my younger self is to be gentle. There were times I was so hard on myself. I called myself fat all the time. I wish I had been more gentle. If only I could have seen the beautiful girl I already was. Comparison is the thief of joy and I think that was the case when I was younger for sure. I was friends with much skinnier girls and comparing myself to them made me more miserable then anything else. Telling myself that, maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe not. I was a teenager after all and now I am a 34 year old lady now. Practically ancient according to my younger self.

So, if I could tell my younger me something, that is what it would be. But mostly the words of Mercyme. 

FMF: Sing

Linking up with the writers again for five minute Friday. If you are interested, click the link at the bottom of this post.

I have a special connection to music. It has always had the ability to touch me in a way that just words can't do. There are so many songs lately on the radio that have touched my heart. I am going to post the lyrics to one that really touched me today. The singing has found its way in to my head, reminding me of the message it was speaking to me, from God. My christian radio station is more then just entertainment for my commute, it is my worship time with God. It allows me to sing and praise him as I am heading to and from work. I can even share this with my kids. Hearing them sing along is amazing. Knowing that the lyrics they are hearing, that they are repeating are ones of praise, makes me feel better as a mom. I may not be there all the time, but hopefully the words of the songs we listen to in the car will stick in their minds. Hopefully when they think of me, they think of the times in the car we were just jammin out to our Jesus tunes.

I love remembering my mom in that way. She always had the radio on, tuned in to a christian radio station, every time we were in the car. That thirty minute drive, several times a week to church is something I can remember with fondness. She always used to say that God just said to make a joyful noise, He never said it had to be pretty. Remembering her off tune versions of worship makes me smile, even today.

This post inspired by: 

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home

How many times can one heart break?

It was never supposed to be this way

Look in the mirror, but you find someone you never thought you'd be

Oh, but I can still recognize

The one I love in your tear stained eyes

I know you might not see him now, so lift your eyes to me

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended

You see your worst mistake

But I see the price I paid

And there's nothing you could ever do, to lose what grace has won

So hold on, it's not the end

No, this is where love's work begins

I'm making all things new

And I will make a miracle of you

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

When you see too far gone

I see one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended

I see my child, my beloved

The new creation you're becoming

You see the scars from when you fell

But I see the stories they will tell

You see worthless, I see priceless

You see pain, but I see a purpose

You see unworthy, undeserving

But I see you through eyes of mercy

When you see broken beyond repair

I see healing beyond belief

You're not too far gone

You're one step away from home

When you see nothing but damaged goods

I see something good in the making

I'm not finished yet, no

When you see wounded, I see mended

Ooh, I see mended

Woah, oh I see mended

I'm not finished yet

When you see wounded, I see mended

Was It Really For Me? -God

Sermon by: Lt. Amber Ohl
Scripture focus: Zechariah 7:1-14

This passage is basically a question and answer session. Two men  from Bethel, exiles from Babylon were questioning if they still needed to be fasting and mourning the destruction of the old temple.

The new temple was nearly complete and they were already using it. For seventy years, the people had been mourning the loss of their temple and fasting. The men simply asked if they still needed to continue the ritual. God replies with a question, one that really hits close to home, he asked them "was it really for me?" God cares more about the attitude and condition of our hearts then the outward symbols of our worship.

I think of it this way, the catholic people perform communion. That ritual is meaningless if you aren't mindful of what you are doing it for.

It all comes down to the heart of our worship. We need to be living all of our lives in worship to Him. If we are just going through the motions, either for a check off our list or recognition from others, that isn't where our worship should come from.

God was simply reminding the people of this. They weren't doing the rituals in actually morning of the temple. Nor were they fasting in memory of what they had lost. They were simply going through the motions. God was reminding them of that.

The final parts of this chapter are instructions on how we should be living our lives and even examples of how we can live our worship.

Reading this chapter isn't just a history lesson, it is a call for us to examine our own lives. Where are we just going through the motions, forgetting the reason behind what we are doing.

This is a song we sang during worship and to me it wraps this message in a beautiful way.

The Heart of Worship

Michael W. Smith

When the music fades

All is stripped away

And I simply come

Longing just to bring

Something that's of worth

That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song

For a song in itself

Is not what You have required

You search much deeper within

Through the way things appear

You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus

I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it

When it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth

No one could express

How much You deserve

Though I'm weak and poor

All I have is Yours

Every single breath

I'll bring You more than a song

For a song in itself

Is not what You have required

You search much deeper within

Through the way things appear

You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus

Songwriters: Matt Redman

The Heart of Worship lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

Flying What?!

Major Rhonda Lloyd

Scripture Focus: Zechariah 5

There are two visions in this passage. It is important for us to remember that these visions Zechariah had weren't just for the people of the time. This vision is as relevant to us today as it was back then.

The first is the vision of the flying scroll. The scroll is a picture of the end time judgement that will come over all the earth. The scroll was open for all to see. Both sides of the scroll were written on. This is significant because in the time this was written, that didn't happen. On one side of the scroll was written: Every thief will be banished. This refers to the sins we commit against one another. The other side "everyone who swears falsely will be banished" and this refers to the the sins we commit against God.

More verses when the scroll is mentioned as the end of times:
Ezekiel 2:8-10
Revelation 5:1-9
Revelation 10:1-11 - this one I found quite interesting about the part where in verses 9-11. The angel tells the man to eat the scroll. It will be sweet on the tongue but it will sour the stomach. This is like when we eat the words of God (read his word) but then don't follow them. It sours in our stomachs. What words of God have I let sour my stomach. Something he intended to be sweet and instead it sours my stomach because I know that it is something I haven't been doing as He has planned for me.

God knows the condition of our hearts. Do the sweet words of His make our stomachs sour because we know we haven't been following them?

The second vision in this passage is the woman in the basket. This vision represents the basket of the people's sin. It was completely full of all the evilness of the world. The wickedness had filled and permeated the basket. The woman was thrown back into the basket and the lead lid thrown back over it. God showed His power over evil. He will contain the evil in the end. We won't need to be the only one righting the wrongs of this world, God is working with us. There isn't a question of who will win because we know the end of the story. We know that God will have the victory over evil.

The basket is sent into Babylon. There are conflicted views about what this means, but to me this is like a vision of the way that God will cast the evil from our world. Contain it in a place that is all its own.

God isn't just there for us to ask things of. We need to be wiling to sacrifice for His good. We should be giving of ourselves, sacrificing for Him. We need to purge our hearts of the evil and banish sin from our hearts. Is God asking us to be willing to sacrifice.

Galatians 3:10
James 1:22
Romans 8:1-4

God sent his son as an offering. We need to live in accordance to his spirit. In Him, we will have life and peace.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Today's service was concluded with this song. I have to admit something: I don't love singing this song. Singing these words puts me in a vulnerable place. I don't want to be in a place where the oceans are rising. It's scary not knowing what is going to happen. Not being able to touch the bottom. God wants me to have faith that He has me. His grace will carry me where I need to be. That is the times where I love singing this song. I know that He will never fail me. God won't bring me to something if he doesn't plan to bring me through it. All I need to do is make sure that I am trusting in Him. I want to go in the deeper waters, I want to be in so deep with God that he is the only one I can rely on.

If you don't have time to listen to the whole song, please take the time to read the lyrics. Beautiful and the prayer of my heart today:

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

God Knows Everything

By Cadet Raghel Santiago
Zechariah 1:7-21

We should always go to the source and not assume.
1 Peter 5:7

Our eternal gift is with the Lord. We need to focus on storing up our treasures in heaven and not here on earth.

Focus on the future, not what is happening now. God will always answer our prayers, in his time.

Learn from your mistakes and don't make them again. Help and guide others to not make the same mistake. That is what God was doing here, trying to stop the remnant (people left of those rescued from Egypt) from being seperated from God.

In Zechariah's vision, there was a man standing among the beautiful myrtle trees. That man was Jesus. The trees were beautiful because of God's presence among them.

The angel is questioning how long God will withhold the mercy from the people. In verse 13, like He does today, he spoke to him using kindness and compassion.

God wants us to come back to him and ask for forgiveness - which He gives to us freely - even though we don't deserve it.

Verse 14, people often read this verse incorrectly. God is not jealous of us, but he is jealous for us. He wants us to worship Him and only Him. He wanted their (and our) love and attention

Psalm 78:58

God sent Zechariah to give the people the hope of reconciliation. The word of the Lord is true. He will protect us and keep us from being looked at in shame. Our strength comes from God's truth.

God will make a way.

Fly

I hear "fly" and immediately my mind goes to the old hymn. Its one of those ones I don't mind hearing over and over because it's a constant reminder that someday I am going to go to Heaven and be with Jesus and be reunited with my mom. 

Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away

To a home on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory I'll fly away when I die

Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

When the shadows of this life have flown, I'll fly away

Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory I'll fly away when I die

Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away

To a land where joy shall never end, I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh Glory yes I'll fly away when I die

Hallelujah by and by I'll fly away

Read more: Jim Reeves - I'll Fly Away Lyrics | MetroLyrics

I think that the idea of being able to fly away is so appealing. I want to be able to soar in the air, worry about nothing. Like that verse in the bible, the psalmist is saying not to worry. Like the birds in the air don't worry about what to eat or the flowers in the fields don't worry about what to wear. I want to be free like that. 

This post is a part of my 31-days of free writes.

WW: Ten Songs

Linking up with Mama Kat again this week for writers workshop. If you want to learn more about it, click the link at the bottom of this post. The prompt I chose this week is: List your top 10 most listened to songs currently. Not sure that I have actually mentioned it, but I listen (almost exclusively) to Christian music. My top ten most listened to right now are:

These are my top ten favorites right now. What about you guys? What are you listening to?

 This post inspired by:

1000 Gifts: 3 gifts hard ehchuaristeos

• It is a gift to have gone through my divorce, without which I would have never fallen in love with my beautiful husband. 
• It is a gift to have gone through hard financial times because they makes me appreciate what we have even more. 
• It is a gift to have been through the loss of my mother because it helps me to be sympathetic to my patients and coworkers at the office. 

Happy Easter!!

Going to start this post off with one of my favorite songs. 

Greatest day in history

Death is beaten

You have rescued me

Sing it out, Jesus is alive

The empty cross 

the empty grave 

Life eternal 

you have won the day 

Sing it out, Jesus is alive, He's alive! 

Happy Easter my friends. Here is what I did to get ready to celebrate the holiday with the girls. Easter dresses (only worn once for picture day)

Easter lily blooming

Baskets are full and ready

Now we just celebrate!


1000 Gifts: 3 gifts at 11am 2pm 6pm

• It is a gift to be surrounded by fellow believers, celebrating the joy of a risen Savior!
• It is a gift to have my girls this Easter. Let them play and enjoy the day. 
• It is a gift to have a beautiful family to celebrate with, have a beautiful Easter dinner. 

WW: Love

Joining in with Mama Kat again this week for writer's workshop. As always, the link is included at the bottom of this post in case you want to join. This week I chose this prompt: A blog post inspired by the word: love. 

I will start out by saying initially when I looked over the prompts, I didn't even want to join in. Nothing makes you feel more lonely then Valentines day, especially if it is your first one solo. I have been in a bit of a funk about that. Loneliness is something I am going to have to learn to get used to as I don't plan on jumping into a new relationship anytime soon. Everything about this holiday reminds me of what I don't have anymore from the commercials to the store displays. I try really hard to be optimistic, but it gets tiring. 

Anyway, rather then using this platform to complain, I am going to use it to share about a love I cannot lose. I have a heavenly Father who loves me more then anyone on earth can even imagine. He loved me so much that He sent His son to die a horrible death on a cross for me. Months ago when I went to the young adult retreat, we sang a song during worship that would hit my heart every time: 




Every time that we would sing that song in worship, I would find myself near tears. There aren't too many songs that can do that to me times multiple times over a weekend. It made me really think about how much He loves me. He wants to be the one I run to, the one I fall into. He loves me and will never, ever stop, no matter how bad I am or how far I go. He loves me just as much today as He did the day I got married. He even loves me more then I love my kids (and that is a lot!). This valentine's day I need to remember that I am someone's valentine: God's. He showers me with more blessings then any earthly Valentine could. In this time of trial, I am reminded daily how much he loves me because every day he is giving me the strength to get me through another day. Sometimes all I want to do is cry: I feel broken, I feel unloved, I feel alone. Then I am reminded in some way that I may be broken, but he is in the repair business. I may feel unloved, but I am loved more then words can express. And I might feel alone, but I am never really alone. He is with me wherever I go. 

I found a few verses about how God loves and cares for us:

• Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
• 1 Peter 5:6-7  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
• Job 34:19 who shows no partiality to princes, nor regards the rich more than the poor,  for they are all the work of his hands?
• Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
• 1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

I also found a few quotes that I really liked about love: 

• God is love. He didn’t need us. But he wanted us. And that is the most amazing thing.  ~ Rick Warren
• God’s unfailing love for us is an objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son.  ~ Jerry Bridges
• One of the greatest evidences of God’s love to those that love him is, to send them afflictions, with grace to bear them.  ~ John Wesley

This post inspired by:

Thankful Tuesday

When you are in the midst of crisis, it's really difficult to stand back and think about the things you are thankful for. It's much easier for me to complain about the things that suck right now. But, I think it is really, really, really important for me to remember that I do have things to be thankful for. I need to focus more on them and less on the complaints.

1. I am thankful for my girls. This is not going to be easy on them, but they are doing so well so far. Continued prayers for their mental and emotional health would be appreciated.

2. I am thankful for my family. They have been beyond helpful, getting me a phone so I had one, making sure that I was taking care of me. I would not have made it through those first few days without them. The constant texts asking how I am doing or messages on my facebook have been so uplifting.

3. I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful that when I feel like I can't go on a minute longer, He is there and has me wrapped in his arms. I keep thinking of the song by Casting Crowns "Praise you in the storm" Its been one that keeps me going, praising Him through this stormy part of my life. You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you."

Another song that really touches my heart is Worn by Tenth Avenue North

If you have a few minutes, listen to the songs, especially if you are dealing with a difficult time in your life.

4. I am thankful for my grandmother in law and sister in law. As horrible as it sounds, especially if you know my sister in law, I was so scared that since Jimmy and I wouldn't be together that I would also lose the family that I have grown to love. My sister in law has helped me so much with this move, and the transition to living so far from my family. I was heartbroken even thinking about telling her that this was happening. Thankfully, she pulled it out of Jimmy on the phone and was sweet enough to call me at work and tell me that no matter what happened between Jimmy and I, that she was family. Eased my heart a lot. Then on Saturday I walked with the girls over to talk to grandma. She was as surprised as any of us, but she also told me that my girls are her grandchildren and no one can take them from her. Not sure either of them will ever know how much that meant to me.

5. Last one for today, I promise!! I am thankful for a pair of friends I have become really close to over the last year. They came over on Saturday, brought the girls and I dinner and helped me rearrange my room. Small things that make such a huge difference. I cannot imagine staying in Idaho without the support they have given me.

Beautiful song....

Lead Me

I look around and see my beautiful life.
Almost perfect, from the outside.
In picture frames, I see my beautiful wife,
Always smiling, but on the inside,
Oh I can hear her saying

Lead me, with strong hands
Stand up, when I can't
don't leave me, hungry for love
chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me, you're willing to fight
That I'm still, the love of your life.
I know we call this our home,
but I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children, but from the outside.
I'm working hard, I tell myself
"They'll be fine, they're independent"
But on the inside,
oh I can hear them saying

Lead me, with strong hands
Stand up, when I can't
don't leave me, hungry for love
chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me, you're willing to fight
That I'm still, the love of your life.
I know we call this our home,
but I still feel alone

So, Father give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh Father, show me
The way to lead them.
Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up, when they can't
Don't want to leave them,
hungry for love, chasing things
that I could give up.

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
and give them the best of my life
so we can call this a home
Lead me 'cause I can't do this alone
Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

I heard this song, and nearly cried. God gives father's as much of a charge as he gives mothers. But they are also to hold up their wives. I have started praying for my husband. He needs support too.

Merry Christmas!

I heard a song on the radio that I had to share. It is just touching.

The lyrics are sooo important, so I thought I would include them as well 

Mary, did you know 

That your baby boy 

Would someday walk on water? 

Mary did you know 

That your baby boy 

Will save our sons and daughters? 

Did you know 

That your baby boy 

Has come to make you new? 

This child that you've delivered 

Will soon deliver you. 

Mary did you know 

That your baby boy 

Will give sight to a blind man? 

Mary did you know 

That your baby boy 

Will calm the storm with his hand?

Did you know that your baby boy 

Has walked where angels trod? 

When you kiss your little baby 

You've kissed the face of God. 

The blind will see 

The deaf will hear 

The dead will live again 

The lame will leap 

The dumb will speak 

The praises of the Lamb

 

Mary did you know 

That your baby boy 

Is Lord of all creation? 

Mary did you know 

That your baby boy 

 Will one day rule the nations? 

Did you know 

That your baby boy 

 Is heaven's perfect Lamb? 

This sleeping child you're holding 

Is the Great I Am 

 Remember that more then the presents, the santas, the hustle and bustle, the real reason for the season is this small baby that was born to take upon himself the sins of this world so we might all have a chance at eternal life. All you have to do is ask. If you have any questions about today's blog, please feel free to contact me. All my information is on my sidebar.

My grownup Christmas list

Yesterday, my dear friend Megryansmom posted this song by Amy Grant, its 

"My Grown up Christmas List." 

I must admit I cried a little. You see this song holds SO MANY memories for me. 

From the time I was a little girl I have attended The Salvation Army Church in Albany, Oregon. It is basically my second home. 

When I was little there was another family that went there, I will call them the W's for their protection. Anyway. Mother W was a WONDERFUL singer. She would get the old solo tapes where one side had the singer with the music, and the other side had just the music. She would sing solos during church to those tapes. And almost every Christmas she had a song for us. 

One Christmas it was this song. She actually sat on "Santa's" knee (we had a gentleman that would dress as Santa for the kids for our Christmas party, we had a way of incorporating Santa with the Christmas story) anyway. She sang that song to Santa, and I can remember it like it was yesterday. 

From that day on all I wanted to do was sing like her. She was amazing. 

Her and her family ended up moving a few years later, but I will never ever forget her singing that song. And I will never ever stop wishing for all the things that song mentions. 

Read the words and think about them this holiday season. 

Remember the best gifts there are, aren't always able to be given. 

Do you remember me? 

I sat upon your knee 

I wrote to you with childhood fantasies 

Well I'm all grown up now 

And still need help somehow 

I'm not a child but my heart still can dream 

So here's my lifelong wish 

My grown up Christmas list 

Not for myself but for a world in need 

As children we believe 

The grandest sight to see 

Was something lovely wrapped beneath the tree 

But Heaven only knows 

That packages and bows 

Can never heal a hurting human soul 

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth 

Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth 

No more lives torn apart 

That wars would never start 

And time would heal all hearts 

And everyone would have a friend 

And right would always win 

And love would never end 

This is my grown up Christmas list

This is my only lifelong wish 

This is my grown up Christmas list

no longer a lonely fish!

So, I have had a busy weekend. 

Ok, so that was a lie. I had a busy Friday. 

Basically right after work I went with a work friend to see a concert. It was awesome. I got a ticket for less then $25 for a sold out show thanks to my friend! She conned me into going and I am soooo glad. You see I always hesitate when it comes to things that involve large crowds... I am terrified of them. I start breathing fast... sweating... its awful! 

Anyway I got to see this guy Toby Mac. He used to be a member of DC Talk... he is sooo hot!! I also got to see Jeremy Camp and Matthew West. They are all Christian rock guys and are totally awesome. You should look em up and give em a listen. They aren't your grandma's Christian music!! 

Anyway, the other big thing I did this weekend was get new fish. I got two Silver fin tetras and two orange face tetras (I think that's what they are called. lol) Anyway, one of the orange faces already died, and I didn't want to bother with exchanging it... I think it died of shock, the poor thing looked like it was having fishy seizure.... anyway, I am at four fish. I am really praying the others last! I still plan on getting more, but not until I can keep these alive for a whole month! lol. Keep checking back I will try and get some pics of my beautiful tank!! Well I am off to fight my two year old for a shower... we both need one, but I need the hot water more then her! lol.