Ramblings From a Broken Heart...

With all that has been happening in my life, the last thing on my mind is what to write on my blog. But you know what, writing is my form of therapy (at least until next Monday) and I feel the need to just do a purge once in awhile.
For those who haven't heard, my husband asked me for a divorce. He doesn't want to work on it, so I don't want to push. The way I see it, I can't put my already shattered heart into the position of hoping that it might work just to have that fall apart.

My heart is heavy. I feel like I am on the verge of tears almost all the time. Every time a certain song comes on the radio I cry. Or, if someone comments on my facebook or sends me a message of support. I keep getting told that I am strong and will get through this, but I never asked to be this kind of strong. That is why I picked my word for this year.

For the last 13.5 years of my life I have been with the same person. He is my high school sweetheart. My first love and the man I have shared ten years of marriage with. I don't even know how to live on my own, I never have before. Went straight from my mom and dad's house, to my home with my husband.

I have a stack of six library books on the topic of divorce and how to do it with kids and how to make sure their needs are put first. Never expected that I would be meeting one of my new year's goals  I also have a bunch of books to read to the girls about it. I hate to see this change them. I'm afraid that I won't be able to be all they need.

Today I will be meeting with my pastor to get spiritual guidance and next Monday I will be meeting with a licensed counselor. I have been trying to comb through the thousands of web results to find resources for people in situations like mine. Its a lot to go through.

The last three days have been spent pondering not only the big changes that will be necessary in our lives but small things. I had an extremely hard time coming up with a new "tag" for the blog posts that used to be labeled 'us'. Just hard for me to admit that this is over.

Anyway, if you made it through this randomness, you are amazing. Keep my little family in your prayers. On top of the stress from this, I also have to figure out how I am going to afford to move on without his income. He will be helping me out, but I don't want to leave him in a bad situation (even though sometimes I think maybe I should!) Anyway, if you feel so inclined, I have set up a go fund me page in hopes of offsetting some of the cost of the move into our own place. I have included the link below. If you can't, don't worry about it, consider praying for us instead.

Thank you my readers for your continued support. I plan on blogging through my journey, so hopefully this isn't too depressing. If it makes it any better, the posts like this will be scattered in my normal randomness. If you or someone you know has been through a divorce where the couple was able to remain civil, please have them shoot me an email. There's a button on the Contact info/social media tab. Thank you again for bearing with my ramblings.