FMF: Visit

Linking up for five minute Friday. It's a chance for me to just write. Let the words flow out of my brain. Therapeutic I think. If you want to know more, click the link at the bottom of the post. Today's prompt word is:

When I see the word visit, I think about what I would give to be able to visit you in Heaven. Even to have just a chat about how things are going, feel one of your hugs. I miss you each and every single day. Sometimes the grief just washes over me, like the ocean waves. Most days I am able to move through my day without dwelling on it too much, but others I just want to cry all day long. You are my mom and my best friend. It's been a HUGE struggle for me to get used to not calling you every day. I think about what we will be doing this summer, normally it would be to visit you. Even the girls are starting to realize you are gone. It's so hard to deal with because it's something that I can't fix. I want to go home and visit you, but you aren't there now, you are much father away. Gosh I wish I could visit you there. I need a mommy hug today. I would give almost anything to hear you say you love me, that you are proud of me. I know you are, but I miss hearing it. Your hugs were the best. I felt so safe, so loved, so protected. You would do anything for me. I miss you so much. If I ever get the chance to visit Heaven, believe me, I will be there. Until then, I will keep myself busy, trying to forget that I have to live without you. I know one day we will reunited but until then, I am missing you. Remembering that you will always be my mommy, even if you aren't here with me. I will love you forever and I will hold on to our memories for the rest of my time on earth. I hope you are watching us from heaven!

This post inspired by:

1000 Gifts: 3 gifts from the past that help you trust the future

• It is a gift to not have been given everything I wanted as a child. I see now that it was what was best for me and helps me make similar decisions for my girls. 
• It is a gift to have spent so much time with my grandparents when we were young. I had great relationships with them and it means so much more to me now that both my grandmothers and my mom are gone. 
• It is a gift to have gone through storms and come through on the other side. It makes me see that God is there for me, always. He carried me through the loss of my mom, that was the hardest thing I have ever been thorough. He will carry me through anything else I encounter.