Sad Day

My heart is really hurting today. I have a girl, we used to go to church together. She is younger then me by a few years. A few days ago, her mom suffered cardiac arrest. They resuscitated her and she has been on life support since.

Yesterday, my friend got the news that her mom's prognosis of recovering and having a good quality of life is very slim, like 2%.

Sound familiar? That's almost the exact situation I was in 307 days ago (yes, I counted). I sent my friend a message, telling her how sorry I was. And that I would be here anytime. Doesn't seem like enough. I feel horrible. I told her that I was in the same situation and that if she needed ANYTHING I would be here, but that isn't enough either.

I hate feeling so helpless. I hate knowing that someone is in the situation I was and there is nothing I can do to make them feel better. My heart is breaking for her. I've already shed a few tears for her.

Pray for my friend Heather. Losing my mom, holding her hand as she took her last breath, was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am praying for strength for her, for today and the days ahead.

Also pray for me, it isn't easy seeing someone I care about in pain and not being able to do anything about it. I feel like sharing a bit from my journal, from that time in my life.

Friday, September 5, 1 o'clock pm - She hasn't woken up yet at all. They have had her on the respirator. Until today she was on Ativan to control her seizures. It is pretty obvious to me that she is already gone. Part of me is clinging to hope that she will open her eyes and talk to us - but it isn't looking good. I don't want to "give up" but I have already got myself ready.... How do I do that? My mom has always been my rock - my biggest supporter. She was supposed to outlive us all. Instead, we are discussing what she we want. I don't want to know how I am going to handle it when they "pull the plug."How long will she hold on? Is she is pain right now? Is she still "with us" or is she already in Heaven? I am so glad we (myself and my girls) all got to talk to her Sunday. All the girls got to hear her voice. 

My heart is still broken. Holes all over. I am still finding places where she was. Ways that she made my life a better place. And my heart goes out to my friend. Hold on to her as long as you can. Even if they tell you she can't hear you, talk. Do what you need to do. Know that you are surrounded by people who love and care about you. Plus you have a God who loves you so much. He will carry you through this.

1000 Gifts: 3 gifts in weakness

Today's gifts are all three found in the Bible. Those are the best gifts we have. Scripture references are included.

• With Christ, when I am weak, He makes me strong.
  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10 
• He gives strength to the weak 
  He gives strength to the weary (weak), And to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:29-31
• The spirit helps in our weakness, interceding on our behalf. 
  In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; Romans 8:26