Joining the five minute Friday group today for some unfiltered writing. All you do is write. Five minutes of free writing. No editing, no thinking, just write. This week's prompt is Season. Be sure to let me know if you join, so I can read your post!Tis the season, but for many, this season is hard. I am among those. While part of me is so happy to be able to celebrate the birth of Christ with my family, another large part of me is still mourning the loss of my mom. I don't know that any Christmas holiday season will ever be the same without her. This is my second season without her. In a way it feels just as fresh as the day I lost her. In others it feels like she's been gone forever. Of course, that is the much smaller part. Most of me is still in mourning. Friends who have lost a parent tell me that the ache never really leaves you. Kind of like when you lose a limb. You don't have the actual part anymore, but you have the phantom pains and aches that remind you of it's loss.
This season is the first for many people out there. The first celebration with an empty chair. As Christians, as people, I encourage you to reach out. Let them know you are thinking about them. It might cause tears, but those aren't bad either. Tears are healing. Sometimes all I wanted to hear was that someone had been there, that they were there for me, that they were a listening ear and shoulder if I needed it.
While I might be motherless for the rest of the seasons of my life, it gives me perspective that I never had before. I just pray that my perspective helps someone else see that things do get better. The loss is always there, but the memories are too.
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Oh, Betsy! This Christmas marks the 7th one without my father, who died suddenly at the age of 59. (I have written lots of grief posts on my blog that might be helpful to you when you have the time.) I like your analogy of losing a limb and the phantom pains associated with it. It does get easier, but the pain does not go away. It took me probably a good 3-4 years before I feel like I successfully incorporated the loss into my life. Grief has no timeline and is not something you "get through." It's something you learn to "live with." I wish you peace and light as you weave this enormous loss into the fabric of your life.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. It seems, the more time that passes, the more I'm reminded of her. A response I've heard from her. Every single time I see red (not figuratively lol). Every time someone says the word 'literally'. Lolol. C and I used to give her shit because she would always say something ridiculous after she said the word literally. 'I literally cried my eyes out'. We would say 'literally, mom?' She would tell us to shut up. Lol. I still hear her. I can still see her. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteBless you Betsy. I'm sorry... and I've also been there. (Wrote about it on FMF last year: https://ruthemarriott.wordpress.com/2014/12/12/five-minute-friday-prepare/) It does get better, in a sort of sweet, deeper way... I'm praying you find special moments of precious memory and thanksgiving bubble up, even in the middle of the mourning this year. x
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